Today was rough. Really rough. I stayed in my pajamas all day and hung out on the couch. The biggest accomplishment of the day was getting my kids dressed and keeping them fed. It took all my energy to do that. But I did it. I have to recognize the small accomplishments or my day will turn into a pity party. I ordered a pizza for dinner because I had no energy or desire to cook. After dinner my husband had the great idea that we should both clean a room. So I cleaned the kitchen and he cleaned the living room. Having a cleaner house helped my mood improve a little. So then I called my awesome sister Beth and chatted with her a bit, that helped a little too. Then came the busiest part of my day, bedtime. Staying busy for an hour while I got my kids dressed for bed, teeth brushed, and put to bed helped A LOT! After I put them to bed I made a few phone calls, and then I showered. After taking a shower I sat down with my Dialectic Behavioral Therapy journal card and tracked my day.
Dialect Behavioral Therapy works to teach individuals how to regulate their emotions and cope with dangerous impulses and urges. Around 5:00pm was my mind started to consider suicide again. It was very scary because suicide is not an option, and it is frightening when your mind starts to think about it. So I wrote down that as my impulse for the day, and I went down the card checking off all the tools I used to distract and cope with that impulse. When I realized how many I used and that they had worked I felt AWESOME! I am very proud of myself for coping through a stressful day and turning my mood around. So right now I feel at peace. Which feels GREAT! I haven't felt at peace for a while. So I am enjoying this place right now, and I am going to stay up a little bit and just enjoy this feeling.
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