Catching up

I have fallen out of the habit of posting everyday. Sorry. Today and yesterday were rough days. I feel as if I have fallen into a hole, a deep, dark hole. I've slept a lot, neglected cleaning, and overall felt pretty numb. Today the suicidal thoughts started again for me. They are almost like a mild auditory hallucination. I'm able to ignore them, and I have many tools I use to keep these thoughts as just thoughts and not a plan. When a plan to commit suicide develops I go to the ER. I don't want to scare anyone, I am safe. I am blessed with a tremendous amount of strength to keep myself safe when symptoms like this develop. I communicate very clearly with my husband who frequently asks through out the day if I am getting better or worse. I was able to clean this evening while my husband was at school, and just in case I am worse tomorrow my Mom is coming up in the evening so that I won't be by myself. I'm safe.