Sunday

Sorry for taking a few days off I was enjoying NOT having hallucinations. They stopped Thursday. Finally! Today I went to church and sat through almost the entire first hour. There are three blocks of meetings each about an hour long. I want so badly to stay for the full three hours, but I keep having panic attacks. I have panic attacks all the time. They cause me to stop what I am doing and go home. Shopping, going to the park or playground with my kids, just about any time I am out in public. So at the moment I am discouraged. I'm trying to remember that each little success is actually a big deal. My HUGE success of the month was staying out of the hospital while suffering from severe hallucinations. It's hard to be patient though. I want to be better now. Maybe I won't ever be better. Maybe this is a life long struggle where panic attacks prevent me from being in public for long amounts of time. I guess we'll see what happens next.Right now I'm just a bit depressed because I miss church.