A few rough days

I just finished my emotion chart for yesterday and today. It is a chart that allows me to rank how I feel, ie:Good/Happy, Anxious/Tense, Miserable, Angry/Irritable, Depressed, Hopeful, Empty/Alone, Disconnected/Unreal, and Physically Bad. It then has me chart any urges to cope in a negative way, ie:cutting, taking extra meds, smoking, drinking, doing street drugs. Those are the ones on the form, not my specific urges. Then it lists all the different tools I learned through Dialect Behavioral Therapy and how I used the skills,Ie: thought about using, but didn't, thought about using helped, didn't think about using/used/helped. Yesterday I had a rough day, and today is not so good either. I feel depressed, miserable, emotional pain, and physical pain. I have used a lot, almost all 16 tools, to keep myself from getting worse. I cleaned my kitchen. Called my friends and chatted. Cooked dinner. And right now I have bread dough rising to bake some bread tonight. So even though I am having a rough day, I am doing well. I am not getting worse, I am coping, and I am overcoming my depression. I may always feel a little depressed. Sometimes it gets that bad; I stay in my pajamas all day, and sit on the couch with my eyes half shut. But I have learned getting into a routine helps. I take a nice hot shower before bed, then put on my favorite most comfortable pajamas, and when I wake up I get my kids dressed and I fix them breakfast. Then I pop open a can of Mountain Dew, and get some caffeine in my system to help me stay motivated. This morning I forgot my Mountain Dew. I could tell a big difference not having one until this afternoon. I am really grateful to the staff at Sharp Mesa Vista hospital in San Diego that helped me learn the DBT tools and skills so that I can learn to live with my disease, instead of letting my disease run my life.