A really rough day

Today I had a break down. I was having serious thoughts of suicide. I had a plan. So I called my awesome sister and we talked for about 10 minutes and she helped me through it. It's scary that normal setbacks cause me to become suicidal. It's like flipping a switch. My last hospitalization the doctor told me I am always going to struggle with having suicidal thoughts. It's just something I am going to need therapy for to learn how to cope. Well today I coped awesome! I did not need to go to the ER. I called my sister, and talked out what was bothering me until I felt better. I think if I had just toughed it out, bottled up those feelings, they would have resurfaced stronger later. I have learned it it important to talk with a close friend when I am feeling down because bottling it up, not talking about, only pushes it away for a little while. It will come back, stronger, and harder to cope with. Today I am grateful for a great support system, for my family, for another day to be with my kids. I am grateful for the strength I am blessed with to battle my illness. For so many this is a debilitating illness. I am blessed with the strength and ability to continue functioning. I may not like where I am, but it could be a heck of a lot worse. So I am very grateful for where I am, even though it sucks sometimes.