Today was a REALLY good day. I found myself singing and humming to myself for no reason other than I finally had the energy to. Today I had sporadic hallucinations. Very minimal. It was a great day. And as it closes and I think about it, I realized that bad days are like being a puppet. I will feel a SNAP in my head, like someone pulling on a string, and I'm losing my mind. My kids might irritate the littlest bit, and SNAP I'm shouting at them to stop. Or something makes me sad and SNAP I feel like the world is ending, and I'm crying my eyes out. SNAP I feel like ending my life so that I don't have to see the pain in other people's lives in the cruel dark world. SNAP I feel as if I'm sitting in a deep dark hole. SNAP and I'm jerking all over the place like an emotional puppet.
That is why it is so important to take my Medication. It minimizes the snaps. I have two alarms set on my cell phone. One in the morning to take my AM meds, one in the evening for my PM meds. When it goes off I take my meds. Simple and easy. Sure I hate that I am on six different medications. I don't want to take my meds, but I know they help. When I forget a dose a week later the hallucinations start again. Two doses in a week and I am very close to needing hospitalization. So rule number one, accept the unchangeable, accept your limits and needs. Rule number two follow your doctors orders. Rule number three get 8 hours of sleep every night. Sleep helps! I am violating rule number three right now. It's very close to midnight and my kids normally wake up around 7am;sometimes earlier. So adieu.
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