Hyper vigilance

Every where I go where there are other people, I am on guard. Going to the store, going to the park, going to church. I am constantly worried that something is going to happen to me or my children. Going out into public is very difficult, and if I am not careful, will spark a panic attack. I have learned how to recognize when I am about to have a panic attack, and I am normally able to avoid them. It still is not fun, though, to have to leave the store early, leave church 15 minutes after I arrive, or not take my children to the park because I am scared of the unknown. I am scared though, and I can't make it go away. Last night I almost had a panic attack just thinking about going to church, but I told myself, "Maybe it will be hard, and maybe it won't be." So the fact that I went to church today with my kids was huge. I'm just tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of worrying all the time. I'm tired of watching everyone around me, trying to see if anyone is acting suspiciously. It's is very tiring. I hope with therapy I can learn to relax a little in public. That would help a lot; it would be really nice to know how to cope.