Sunday

I made it to church today. I managed to stay for 30 minutes of the service. Same as last week. It is still a huge accomplishment though because I woke up not wanting to go. I knew I needed to go though, if I stay away I'll never get to where I can stay for the whole block of meetings. So I got dressed, got my kids ready, and went. All without having high anxiety or a panic attack. Once we were there I was able to keep my kids quiet with the few books, crayons, and bendaroos I took in my bag. As more people started to enter the chapel my anxiety got higher, and by the time the sacrament was blessed and passed to the congregation I was ready to go home. So we left, but I was very proud of myself for how I handled it all.
I can tell a huge difference in my mood since having my meds adjusted and giving them the time to kick in fully. My symptoms of depression are still there, but not nearly as bad. I have to tools to cope with bad days and hard times. My anxiety and paranoia are the two symptoms I really need help with still. I am working on those, and they are starting to get better. As I work on the PTSD those will get better. They may not ever go away, but they will get better. I am very grateful to live in a time where the medications are available to help me, for a good therapist, and most importantly for an amazing Psychiatrist who takes the time to get to know me, my symptoms, and how to best help me.