The Three Stooges

I started hallucinating again today. I'm not hearing voices, which is good. I am hearing sounds though, like bumps in the night. I am also seeing three demons. I call them the three stooges. It takes the edge off of it. It's hardest at night. The darkness is not my friend. It would be nice to be able to relax in a bubble bath, but they are watching me which makes it hard. My anxiety is extremely high right now because of the hallucinations. I try not to be scared of what I see. I remind myself it is not real, but they are real. They look real. I just pray I don't start hearing their voices, because they always say such awful scary things. I am so upset right now at the doctor from my recent inpatient hospitalization that screwed with my Respiridol dosage. That is my antipsychotic. I know her intentions were good; she was hoping being on less would help me have more energy and motivation during the day. But I have been having hallucinations on and off since then. I can't wait to go see my Psychiatrist on Saturday and get the dosage back to what it should be.

I am coping well though. Today I conquered a store. The last time I was there I had a panic attack. My mom was up visiting and needed to go to this store for just a minute. I intended to wait in the car with my kids. I was scared to go inside. When we got there however, there was no one else there. No other customers. So I went inside and conquered my fear!! It was a good moment when I left without having a panic attack. I also ran a few errands today, and cleaned my house. I had a good day all in all, aside from the hallucinations starting again. I just have to not focus on them, which is hard. Hopefully I can sleep tonight. It makes it hard to sleep when my anxiety is so high.